Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize