guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i think i have two assholes
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
