Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
