If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
