she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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