My sheets look like a crime scene.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize