TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
