You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
