He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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