I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
