He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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