Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
