There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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