Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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