I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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