This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
