Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
