I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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