sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize