Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
