This is not my ceiling
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
so much tequila, so little girl.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
