no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
