Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
