sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
