the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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