Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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