dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
