I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
