dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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