Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have fence marks all over my body
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
