I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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