What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Bring me that man meat
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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