I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
