Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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