the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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