would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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