I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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