I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
