The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
