I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
