I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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