saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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