I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
