I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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