Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
