You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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