No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize