You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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