smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
