I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize