No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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