Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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