i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
