first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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