Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
