I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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