Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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