How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize