Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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