By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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