you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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