i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
